Season

In just a few weeks, it all begins again. Expectations are raised, new targets are set, and the preparation begins for months of toil. But enough about my summer job hunt.

It also marks the beginning of the new football season. It seems like a while, but not too long ago, that Blackpool were relegated, yet already the pre-season friendlies are well under way, the fixtures have been released, and many transfers have been completed. And, of course, fans have started dreaming about what their teams may accomplish come May next year.

But how realistic are these ambitions? Most Stoke City fans would agree that their team is unlikely to win the Premier League next season, but is this even achievable for the likes of Arsenal or Tottenham Hotspur?

After all, there are twenty teams in the League; only a maximum of three or four could end up winning something each season (although this doesn’t include European competitions), and there’s always the chance of a club winning more than one piece of silverware. Which means that supporters will be as disappointed as Santa when he sees how much petrol has to go into his sleigh. And this doesn’t include the sides that go down; their fans would feel lower than whale manure.

Personally, I tried to stay immune from the hype last year. The combination of a rotten season, which saw cup exits, repeated defeats and a compared-to-2009 disappointing seventh place finish. I thought, after several years of expecting a League title that never materialised, I vowed to stay realistic in 2010/2011, and appreciate that bad things will occasionally happen. (I support Liverpool, by the way.)

Like the first day, when a late own goal cost Liverpool the win against Arsenal. Many seemed frustrated; I was too, but not too much, and based on that first day, it seemed like a good season had just begun.

Erm, how can I put this . . . it was a disaster.

Well, much of it, anyway.

Defeats to Man City (Where Art Thou Javier?), Man Utd (although that was a close one), Northampton (embarrassing), Blackpool (ditto), Everton (not that they’re rubbish, but it is the local derby), Wolves (as welcome a late Xmas present as a stale advent calendar) and Blackburn (the final straw) summed up a torrid five months. Add to that the Hicks-Gillett saga, and the problems fans had in accepting Roy Hodgson as manager, and you’ll understand why the claim that these were the worst months in Liverpool’s 118-year history weren’t an exaggeration.

On the positive side, John Henry finally took LFC out of Hicks and Gillett’s hands, and Kenny Dalglish returned as manager. After a shaky start, things were looking up . . . and then Torres went to Chelsea. The most beloved player of the last four years, quickly deciding to defect to a hated rival, just as the turnaround seemed to have begun; it was a kick in the teeth for all of those who had chanted his name. The Kop had bounced for the final time. (Hopefully you’ll know what I mean by that.)

But, within days, Torres was a forgotten figure: Suarez and Carroll came in and, whilst neither would score all the time, they scored enough goals, and contributed enough to the team, that the remainder of the season was mostly enjoyable. The victory over Chelsea at the Bridge, several routs, the 3-1 defeat of Man Utd – suddenly, the season that started so poorly looked like ending on a high.

Except, Liverpool lost their last two games, missing out on Europe altogether. In the meantime, Man Utd won a record-breaking 19^th League title.

Shucks.

All that happened in nine months; and that doesn’t even include the pre-season departure of Rafa Benitez, or the (to be frank) total failure of such signings as Paul “My mum hates Scousers” Konchesky, and Christian Poulsen. Hard to predict that all that would take place when 2009/2010 ended. Yet, while questions remain unanswered about the campaign just gone (a notable one being, why do some journalists continue to insist that Hodgson was forced out by fans when LFC were 12^th when he left, and were never lower than that once Dalglish took over?), most thoughts now have turned to the upcoming season.

So, whilst I approached 2009/2010 with high expectations, the first half of 2010/2011 with trepidation, and the second half of 2010/2011 with fera as to what would end up happening, I don’t know how to approach 2011/2012. Granted, things look promising now, but that’s no guarantee of anything.

Should there be confidence due to the new signings? Should there be disappointment already, since there won’t be any “famous European nights”? Or should there be pessimism, considering how many promising seasons produced so little?

After much deliberation (well, not really but it sounds good), I’ve decided to approach next season with an attitude that anything could happen. Obviously, I want Liverpool to do well, but there is a chance that things could pan out badly. There’s also a chance that LFC will remain a big side, but not the biggest. Or maybe, just maybe, 22 (by 2012) years of hurt will finally end with King Kenny winning Liverpool’s 19^th League title.

All this makes for an exciting season ahead. The hype will never go away, each season is no more significant than the last, yet this one does look like being an interesting one. And I’m excited as to what lies ahead between August 2011 and May 2012.

Well, until LFC go out of the Carling Cup to Accrington Stanley.

Nothing

For a writer (not to suggest that I am one, not yet anyway), the worst thing you can have is writer’s block. Well, besides a serious illness, but you get the point.

What is writer’s block? It isn’t a Lego piece designed for journalists; it’s when one’s mind goes completely blank, when trying to think up of ideas. It isn’t a terrible thing, but if you’ve got nothing to write about, then, well, you can’t write.

And, right now, that’s how I feel. I’ve hardly sucked the air dry on ideas. Yet, in the last few days, when I’ve tried to think “What can I write my next blog about?”, I have, well, no idea.

I’ve tried to relay my blogs with what’s going on in the world. To an extent. For example, the blog about how stores begin celebrating occasions months before they happen was relevant to the time when it was written, as was the McDonald’s Monopoly piece.

So, let’s see. What’s going on? The main story in the news is the phone hacking scandal. There isn’t much else I could add to this, other than to note that the final edition after 168 years of the so-called “world’s greatest newspaper”, the News Of The World, had huge piles that remained untouched in shops close to where I live. And rightly so.

I enjoy sport – doesn’t everyone – so what’s happening in sport? But I’ve just done a blog on sport, so that’s out.

How about TV and film? Well, there isn’t much to say about this either. Granted, I could point out the typical summer dip on ITV before the X Factor starts, or how people were queuing up for the Harry Potter film premiere several days beforehand in an act that may even top my ill-fated attempt to create a comic book as pointless. (That really did happen, by the way.) But, at the same time, it’s nothing new.

What else is there, then? Celebrities? There are enough gossip columns and online discussions about incredibly minor issues already without me sticking my oar in. So, I didn’t want to resort to that.

The royal family? Well, William and Kate were touring North America at time of writing, but trying to come up with an entertaining blog about that is a teeny weeny bit difficult. (Incidentally, I sometimes watch CBS News, and couldn’t help but notice that they said William and Kate, yet in the UK news we say Kate and William; some even gave the impression that only Kate was on tour. Funny how the press can work.)

So, then, what to write about? And then it hit me: I have nothing, so write about nothing.

That doesn’t mean literally write about nothing, from different expressions to the various translations. Nor does it mean leaving a blank space (although I did it humorous when a man whose name I can’t recall once released a book stating why he supported a particular issue, and left every page in it completely blank. Presumably he had the money to do that.)

My idea was to write about the fact that I have nothing. I’ve seen many blogs that cover a completely insignificant subject. They’re not all bad. I did one myself. But, at the same time, I’ve often wondered, is that really the best you could come up with? Seriously, Audley Harrison worked harder than that when he fought David Haye.

If the best you can come up with for a blog is something totally dull and irrelevant, without blending in anything of interest to the reader, then what’s the point? I would have more respect for them if they just said, “Okay, it’s a bad idea, but that’s all I could think of.” Or, “Sorry, got nothing.”

So, that’s what I have done. Instead of trying to build up a pen nib or a tissue packet as if it’s the next Coca-Cola, and because I genuinely cannot think of anything better at this time to write about, I have decide to straight-up admit that I have absolutely no idea what to write about, and therefore I would write about: nothing.

But don’t worry. My next blog will be about a relevant topic, and will be written only when such a subject comes into my mind. Although I could always do a sequel to this blog, called Something . . .

Heroes

See if this scenario is familiar . . .

A local sporting hero, or team of heroes, has a major event in the near future. This is seen as the most important one yet, the biggest of their career, the one that will define their legacy.

The country gets behind them, from the newspapers to the communities to the butcher who has had no interest in the sport, yet has suddenly noticed a moneymaking opportunity in selling a type of sausage bearing the athlete’s name.

Then . . . they lose. They’re out. And they do so in devastating fashion.

The reaction? Some papers put the screws into them. Fans are no longer fans. And that poor butcher has squandered his pension banking on their success.

Until next time, when the same thing happens . . . over and over again.

Is this applicable to Andy Murray at Wimbledon 2011? Or David Haye against Wladimir Klitschko? Or the England football team at the 2010 World Cup? Actually, it’s applicable to them all.

The point is, we (the country) build these people up as if they are the greatest of their generation in the entire world, and when they lose, because they have made the nation look stupid, many people turn on them.

I can understand disappointment and dashed hopes, but seriously, if anyone’s going to be let down after a humiliating defeat on a grand stage, it’s not going to be the old fellah in the local pub who downs three pints every half an hour, who becomes a tennis fan for the two weeks that Wimbledon is on because he’s British – it’s the athletes who have come this far and lost.

Let’s start with Murray. He lost in the Wimbledon semi-finals to Rafael Nadal, one of the world’s best. For starters, there isn’t really any shame in losing fairly to one of the world’s best. Add to that how just making the semi-finals of Wimbledon is quite an achievement. Also, that Murray is ranked #4 in the world. And that the last time a Brit won Wimbledon, World War 1 was just referred to as the World War. Is it really fair to get on his back because he failed? The man on the street won’t have his life affected whether Murray wins or not; why rip him apart because he lost? And one other thing: since Murray is Scottish, if certain English people say he’s a loser for not making the final, what does that make whoever is currently considered to be England’s best?

David Haye is a different matter. I didn’t know much about him before he beat Nikolai Valuev (the tall guy), and became an overnight celebrity. Since then, his most noteworthy achievement was the farcical fight with Audley Harrison (although Haye wasn’t blamed for that). Then came his fight with Klitschko. This was a fight Haye wanted for a long time, and the name-calling went on for ages, before they finally met. Both promised to knock the other out; some said it was the biggest fight since Lewis-Tyson in 2002. And, had Haye won, he would have gone down as one of the all-time greats.

Haye lost.

He blamed a broken toe.

The papers ripped him apart, as did many members of the public.

I’m not going to totally defend Haye; I wasn’t a fan of his before the fight, nor am I now, and the “I’m going to do this” and that to Klitschko got boring for me very quickly. But had he won, we would have praised him so much. His appearances on Paul O Grady would have approached bombardment. And, had he then mentioned his broken toe, we would have praised his bravery and courage even further. He lost, and didn’t look dominant before losing – meaning, it wasn’t exactly a hard-luck situation for Haye – but to me, the main, if not only, reason he has been criticised is because he lost. Even if the toe hadn’t been brought up, he still would have been slated. It wasn’t a total humiliation on the night.

That brings me to England in 2010.

From the problems that led to Sven’s exit, to McClaren failing to get England in Euro 2008, England had a long, hard journey to South Africa for the World Cup. Several notable players were injured, some while in the country training, and other players were getting older. Yet, the public, once again, were convinced that England were going to bring home the famous trophy.

At the time, I wondered how realistic this was. I wanted England to win, of course, but I didn’t expect them to – and, if they put in a decent run, and went out gracefully, I wouldn’t have thought any less of them.

Well, they stumbled out of the groups – Robert Green’s howler being memorable for the wrong reasons, obviously – and then got hammered 4-1 by the old enemy, Germany. I can’t remember an England team being blasted more after a tournament, and the manager, Fabio Capello, took the brunt of the abuse. Since then, Capello has had very little positive press – even after a win.

England’s performance was disappointing; there weren’t many stand-out moments to savour. But, had Frank Lampard’s goal counted against Germany, it could have been very, very different. And, was the anger at going out due to the score margin? Or just because it was against Germany? Or both?

Something I wonder is why expectations are raised. Surely a country such as Switzerland know before they arrive at a World Cup that their chances of winning the thing are remote. England come into every World Cup thinking they’re the favourites, even though their only World Cup came back in 1966. Although some may believe otherwise, I don’t believe that England and/or Britain has a divine right to succeed, and that we’ll always be favourites because we’re England, or because we’re Britain, especially when it comes to football. Yes, “we” invented the game, but Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and I don’t ever recall seeing him complaining when a fancy new lamp is launched at a furniture shop.

Times have changed, and people have to accept that England and Britain as a whole may seem strong at sports, but when push comes to shove we don’t and won’t, always win. And taking the frustration out on those who we once built up isn’t helpful to their reputation, or ours.

The ironic thing is that Murray, Haye, the England squad etc are all panned for how they perform on the largest stages they compete on. But at least their talent has brought them to a level where the country relies on them to succeed – something the vast majority of people who slate them cannot say.

In that respect, then, they are winners. And the only real losers appear to be the critics.

Cream Eggs

The other day, I was shopping and noticed a Back To School catalogue.

Today is July 2, several days after that trip.

In other words, Back To School was being advertised in late June. At least three weeks before kids finish school for the summer, and over two months before they go back.

I understand that supermarkets are competing with one another to try and get the best sales. I also realise that a lot of people like to get school items early, so they avoid the last-minute panic (if you’ve ever seen the queues in and out of Laser in early September, you’ll know what I mean).

Nevertheless, is it really necessary to start advertising the Back To School collection now? I mean, back when I was in school, I used to hate how I’d break up for my six week holiday, then go into Woolies a few days later and see the big Back To School signs. I’d think, I’ve spent more than ten months in school, finally broke up for the summer – and you’re already making me feel like September is just a few days away?

If I felt like that, I’m sure others do as well (then again, I’m the person who once ate 20 waffles in a single dinner hour at school, which I doubt many others have). And this was in late July; now, it’s late June. They haven’t even finished and already they’re being reminded about going back. I realise that education is important, but this is how the kids themselves must feel.

It got me thinking about other ways in which shops seem to hype a range of items, long before they become relevant. Many dread going back to school, but this is about days we look forward to.

I used to chortle (which no-one besides Beano and Dandy characters do, incidentally) at how Easter Eggs would be on sale in early January. You know, once the Cream Egg adverts come on TV, I’d think to myself, that’s when you know Easter is coming. Never mind the fact that some years Easter doesn’t come until near the end of April, nor that eggs have no significance in relation to why we celebrate Easter. Hey, I enjoy them, but very few shops sell religious items, even in the final few days before Easter, yet the eggs come out before the new year’s resolutions are broken. (On a related topic, my favourite egg of all-time was the Squegg. No idea why they only ran that for two years.)

That was years ago. Since then, it’s become late December, as the Boxing Day Sales start. Last year, I saw them before Christmas. Before Christmas! We hadn’t even had the chance to enjoy having the selection packs and opening the presents and we’re already being bombarded with “How do you eat yours?”

Speaking of which, Christmas is the biggest offender in this category. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. In fact, whenever I go to Blackpool I make it a point to visit the all year round Xmas shop (Harte’s, in case you were wondering), just for the spectacle of seeing the colourful lights and singing Santa’s in the middle of May. But, when it comes to hyping up occasions, long before they occur, Christmas is the biggest one for stores.

It usually starts around August. The card shops suddenly put the prices up on wrapping paper. Then, around early September, the odd store or two will start stocking calendars for the following year, and maybe a few cards. Then, within a week, out come the selection packs. Shortly followed by even more cards, and some lights too. By late September, most shops start to resemble full-on displays that would entertain Mrs Claus while she waits for Santa to come home. And yet Christmas is still three months away.

In some ways, the “hype” starts even earlier. Already, the Xmas computer games have been announced, and developers are discussing them in-depth on websites and in magazines. The comedy DVD’s (how many come out each year now?) are being recorded, or have already been recorded, for their usual October-November release. So, the hype begins for some of the best-selling gifts as early as the summer – if not before.

I think that’s why the last few years I’ve come away from Christmas disappointed. Now, to be fair, I am 23 now, so it isn’t like when just getting Screwball Scramble would make a vintage Xmas for me. I’m talking about the spectacle of the day, the things that make the Christmas period special; for all the hype, the day comes and goes, very quickly. Within days, the Boxing Day sales start and the sparkling lights are down. Oh, and the Cream Eggs are out.

This isn’t a complaint. It’s an observation. As I said before, I enjoy Christmas, from hearing the songs everywhere from stores to music channels, to watching the lights get turned on, to wishing on snow each year (and usually being let down); to counting down the candles on the Christmas advent wreath at church.

It’s just that events are hyped so far in advance that, when the day comes, they must be pretty special, otherwise they’re disappointing. And the same goes for “minor” events like Halloween, Valentine’s Day etc. Even Father’s Day; I saw banners over a month before that. In fairness to fathers, that’s hardly to Dads what the World Cup is to football. Although hype increases one’s anticipation, it also increases expectations, and how long you are anticipating it, making it more likely the day itself will be a let-down.

Unfortunately, for numerous reasons (most notably the recession), there’s little chance that shops will lighten up and have a bit of patience (to quote Take That). As stores continue to enter administration, the pressure is on to boost sales, even if it means getting the crackers out while most are still applying sun cream. So, barring a radical change, the trend will continue, and we can expect to soon be buying Christmas cards in July, splashing out on new school stationary in May, and purchasing pumpkins in August. And, of course, opening your first window in an advent calendar to reveal a Cream Egg.