18

There are upsides and downsides to being 23 years old. On the one hand, many of the things I enjoyed doing when I was younger have either disappeared, or the sight of me doing it would now look strange.

On the other hand, though, being over 18 has its advantages. There are new things to do, new places to see, new challenges to overcome. One can do almost anything, within reason, once they pass Dirk Kuyt’s squad number.

But there are still times when I am led to believe that I am still 15 or 16. One of those occurred today, when I entered a shop and went to purchase two DVDs, one of which had an 18 rating.

I was asked for any ID, and had my old student cards with me, which I keep for occasions such as this. This wasn’t good enough, though, and I was asked for my passport.

Now, when I left home this morning, I didn’t expect to end up on a flight from John Lennon Airport, nor was I en route to some sort of drinking excursion to advertise Bargain Booze. In other words, I didn’t have my passport with me.

Eventually, I could buy one DVD, but not the 18-rated one. I actually wasn’t that upset; it’s not like my whole world will crumble in because of it.  And to such an age-conscious person as myself, it was a nice reminder that, to some, I still look, well, under 18.

But I wondered why I couldn’t get the item. After all, I did have two cards, from University, with my photograph on them. The thought that someone would go and make a mock-up ID card for the sake of buying a DVD didn’t seem that realistic to me.

In addition, I pondered the issue of the passport. As I said, I didn’t intend to go on a one-way flight to the Caribbean, so I felt it unnecessary to bring my passport. And it’s an important piece of equipment, too: I wouldn’t want to risk losing it, and missing out on a proper holiday abroad, just to satisfy one person behind a shop counter.

And then there’s my appearance. One cannot see exactly what I look like on this blog, because I didn’t think any were worth seeing in relation to any of my posts (see http://www.facebook.com/#!/marmstrong3 if you do), but let me give a brief description. I am fairly tall, as in approaching Peter Crouch. In addition, I had a reasonable amount of stubble, which I assume not many under 16s would have. And, judging from the deepness of my voice, you’d assume I get my tonsils removed on a daily basis. What I’m saying is, I don’t look under 18; so this is why I questioned the decision to refuse me the sale.

None of this would matter if I genuinely was underage. But, not only am I not underage, I am five years over the limit. It’s not like I’ve just got over the birthday party yesterday.

To be fair, I understand why the shops do it (to prevent under-age people buying products featuring loads of swearing, violence etc), and realise that a passport is the definitive way to check one’s age. But haven’t there been cases on the news wherein fake passports have been used? I had the student card which, to be fair, was a few years out of date, but it was genuine. What’s to stop some kid slapping a picture of his mug on a passport that says he was born before 1993? It isn’t hard, and you will get some scallies who would try it.

And I also recognise that you will get some staff who will check customers for ID, even if the chances are remote that they are trying to be sly and sneak off with something they aren’t old enough to even understand, never mind watch.

In my previous retail experience, I always got a little bit nervous as to who may be of the correct age and who isn’t. The vast majority of those who tried to buy alcohol were over 18, and for those who I was a little unsure of, I asked for ID.

Yet I had the sense to realise who needed questioning. As such, the al fellah with grey hair spouting out of his ears didn’t require a check, but the student who had his hair done like someone in Green Day and a ring through his lip probably did. Very few didn’t have ID; and, in those cases, I didn’t do the sales.

But it’s just annoying when you’re not sold the product, even though you’re of the right age, just because the exact form of ID is not at your disposal. I’m at that awkward age where I’m old enough for almost everything, but don’t look old enough.

It’s happened before, though. I remember being devastated in 1999 when, aged 11, I couldn’t go into the Odeon to see Austin Powers 2 (although, since it was a 12-rated film, the staff were correct to stop me). Ironically, the 12A certificate now would have made that legal.

The worst instance was last year, the day before I turned 22. I went to put on the Lotto, and was rejected because I didn’t look 16. 16! If I genuinely was under 16, I would have been in school at the time, and since I surely didn’t look 14 or below, I would have been ripping my hair out panicking about GCSEs. Not messing about, trying to steal a Lotto ticket at ASDA.

And besides, it was for a lottery that my odds of winning were comparable to Rupert Murdoch being given the Noble Peace Prize, where even the kid who has just started Year 11 and bunks his way on the bus home without paying could legally be allowed.

Amazingly, the same thing happened just a week or so ago. Now that I think about it, they didn’t even ask for my passport, or ID; they just basically said, well, you can’t put it on. Over seven years since I turned 16, I apparently don’t look 16, or 18. But I am 23. I could also mention the incident involving me and a bookmakers – but you get the point.

So, how to solve this problem? It isn’t necessarily a dilemma for shops, or those who look their age so that it’s clear how old they are. But for those who lie between 18 and the mid-20s, who are old enough but can persuade others they are a teenager, it’s annoying.

I would suggest a new ID card, designed primarily for moments wherein age restricted products are purchased. There’s no point having something like a University card or an NUS card if, outside the college, it does nothing but display you at your worst; and a passport should be used only for holidays. Since, you know, that’s what a passport is for.

I think a new ID card should be implemented, designed for shops, bars etc. It would ensure that anyone who bought something that they may get asked about knows what evidence to provide. It would reduce the likelihood of important items such as passports being lost over the purchase of Saw V. And it would mean that shops couldn’t say “Oh, that card’s not the one; we need the other one.” It would also help to add something wherein cards couldn’t be forged when they’re allocated to people, like a thumbprint.

To be fair, there are more pressing matters for the Government right now, and the recent riots will hardly play second fiddle to ensuring that someone has no problems buying Call Of Duty. But, once there is a little more peace restored to our country, perhaps this idea could be looked into and developed. Because, in a few years, if I am about to celebrate the big 3-0 and I still can’t buy that DVD, I’ll be longing for the days when you just got your mum to buy it for you.